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changes and hope.

Last year this time, I was living in Brooklyn, Bed-Stuy in a nice 2 bedroom apartment. I lived with my young and spry cat, Rocky. And my roommate was a teaching/traveling tap dancer.

I was slowly losing my mind.

In the midst of an existential crisis, I was on the border of finding something “easier” to do with my life. I was reeling on the end of a self help binge: Dr. Wayne Dyer, Esther & Jerry Hicks, Bashar, and anything else I could get my hands on. I look back on fall 2008 to summer 2009 as the least luckiest times of life. It seemed like everything I touched burned to ash: jobs, relationships, career opportunities. By the end of it all, I felt like I was sitting in the middle of a fire pit with the remnants of my life spread around me. At the time, moving back to Chicago was the hardest decision for me to make.

Having my own space was easy to get used to. My roommate was often traveling around the country, so most of the time it was just me and Rocky. My boyfriend would visit, but by April, he was away on tour and we were broken up most of the time.

I was in love. I had put so much energy into encouraging and motivating him to stick with music and the opportunities he was being giving. I told him that it would work out in his favor at the end of it all. It did. Meanwhile, I was feeling the same doubt and inadequacy that he was feeling. Although I wasn’t getting the same energy put into me, at least not from him. My family was my encourager, but they were hundreds of miles away. So, as my eyes flooded with tears, I decided to move back to Chicago.

I think that my breakup with my former boyfriend is the Great Marker between eras of my life. Literally, the next week, after it all went down, my life just flipped upside down in the best way possible. Things started happening for me. Its like someone fixed the antenna on the tv and everything was all clear, I had good reception.

While I was going through in New York, I wrote two songs that are probably my favorite lyrics on my new album. “Hope” and “Changes”. Every time I hear them, I get transported back to where I was spiritually. But this time, I have the perspective that I could write about yet couldn’t see.

Could there be a glimmer of hope
Just waiting to be seen by you?
Hoping to let its love light shine through
Illuminate your deepest truth
The one that says you can have, do, and be anything
Your mind can see
You manifesting visionary
Its only you
Holding you
Back from you
The highest you
Greatest you
That thing you think you can’t do

Excerpt from “Hope” by Dayna Lynn © 2010