Tag Archives: power

who’s got the power.

Posted on 08/22/2011 by dayna lynn

the liberation process began the moment i became aware of all that i had been repressing under a shroud of fear. Continue reading →

liberation?

Posted on 12/07/2010 by dayna lynn

I talk a lot about being free. I hunger for an intangible concept that cannot be defined. But, I’m getting closer. To what? Oh boy…

Ego. Beyonce said her boo has a big one, and so does she. Obviously a point of pride for her. Well, I’ve got a big one too. And it ain’t swag. It’s a brick wall, a tower built around me…closing me off from the world.

I spent my whole childhood building her. Protecting my fragile insides from the darkness of the world. She served me well then. Made sure that I survived long enough to become aware of myself. Thank you, ego. But what use does she have now? Now, she is the warden of my soul.

LOVE wants in… Continue reading →

reflection eternal.

Posted on 12/04/2010 by dayna lynn

I guess December is my best month for writing. I started this blog almost one year ago and had so much to say. The words tapered off and I didn’t write anything for awhile. Until now that is. So, I’m rolling out with another one

In my previous blog, I came to the realization that I am the only person withholding anything from myself. Love, mainly. Defensiveness and fear of intimacy and vulnerability had left me sick, literally, with years of chronic allergy and sinus issues. However, healing is nigh.

I know I can be deep sometimes. It makes it hard for people to understand me. I don’t understand what I say half of the time until months and years later. It happens all the time with my music. My former self writes music for my future self. Yea, see what I mean?

Here’s the deal. Relationships of all kinds, family, friends, lovers, strangers; are all mirrors. And when I connect with someone, I connect because I see my reflection in them. However, the longer I stare into the mirror, I start to forget that its my reflection that I’m looking at. In the beginning of relationships, its so easy to see all the wonderful things about the other person. They are showing me myself. And I look so pretty! I know that when I first start looking in the mirror at myself, its just an opportunity for self admiration. But, the longer I stare the more of my flaws I see. The parts of myself that I don’t like become bigger than the parts that I love. I squirm and get uncomfortable and don’t want to look any more. I start to blame it on the mirror and the light and what I ate that day… Continue reading →

its everyone else…and by everyone else, i mean me.

Posted on 11/30/2010 by dayna lynn

Ok. I’m back. I didn’t say what I really needed to say yesterday.
Here goes…

I’ve been fighting for a very long time. Well, the entire time, really. At first, I though I was just defending myself. You know, the world is a mean and crazy place. I was adopted, given up a birth, ripped from mother’s womb without so much as a warm hand or arm to nuzzle against. So, gotta fend for myself. Its me against the world. All kinds of bull-doo-doo I’ve said to myself to justify my behavior. But fundamentally, all of the attacks that I perceive or “say” are coming from the outside have their origins internally.

Say what?!

Yea. Its true. I’m fighting myself. Attacking myself. I’ll get to the metaphysical implications later. But, in a nutshell…I don’t like me… Continue reading →

deconstruct. rebuild. repeat. [part two: i'm ALWAYS right]

Posted on 09/14/2010 by dayna lynn

I HATE for people to try and tell me what I need to/should/ought to do. Since I was a child my father has called me a contrarian. The surest way to get me NOT to do something is to suggest or tell me to do it. I take autonomy seriously. I’m my own boss!

This turns into “I’m ALWAYS right.” Always. I am not comfortable with this. Why must I always be right? Whenever someone tries to tell me something, this feeling rises up in me. This angst and stress. I don’t like it. I want to change. Continue reading →